Yesterday I had the opportunity to read my Victim Impact Statement to the court when Lonny Benson was sentenced after pleading guilty to sexually assaulting me. It was hard to do and really stressful, but I did it. Tim was able to stand up with me and I’m so thankful to have had his calming presence. He has been such a blessing through all of this. And now it’s all over. Well, the legal part. I still have some residual trauma from the sexual assault to deal with, but I’m working through it. I wanted to share what I wrote because it was very empowering to get up and say all of it. It felt good to share my story and stand tall while doing so. I didn’t have to read my statement. The prosecutor could have or I could have not given one at all, but it was important to me to stand up for myself and what I’ve gone through over the last 2.5 years. Yes, it’s long and yes it repeats a few things. I didn’t realize it repeated things until I was reading it in court, but oh well. It felt good to share it all. So, here it is:
I met Lonny Robert Benson when I started a job at the Center for Autism in January 2018. We became friends and spent time together outside of work a handful of times over 3 months. On April 3, 2018, Lonny Benson sexually assaulted me in my home while I was asleep. I had repeatedly told him I did not want a sexual relationship with him and he verbally, and in writing, acknowledged that he understood I did not want a sexual relationship with him, which I expressly stated included sexual touching over or under clothing, no hands under clothing, no oral sex, no dry sex, and no insertion of objects into any orifice. I told him multiple times that I did not want him touching me sexually over or under my clothing and that I did not want his hands inside my clothing at all. Yet, when I fell asleep while we were hanging out, he worked his hand inside my clothing and attempted to insert his fingers into my body. He had attempted to stick his hands inside my shirt both from the top and bottom on previous occasions and had tried to stick his hands down the back of my pants. I stopped him each time, reminding him that I did not want his hands inside my clothing. He fully knew without a doubt that I did not want him to have his hands inside my clothing or to touch me sexually, so he waited until I was asleep and could not stop him. I woke up to him attempting to force his fingers inside me and pushed him away, telling him to get out of my apartment.
For the next 6 months, Lonny Benson sexually harassed me. He kept asking me out, trying to flirt with me, touching me at work, sitting close to me at work, and left a note on my front door. When I would tell him no after each of the multiple times he’d ask me out, he said the punishment didn’t fit the crime, that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that I was overreacting, that he was just trying to help me feel good. I would tell him he sexually assaulted me and needed to leave me alone. He would repeat that he was just trying to make me feel good, to bring a little happiness into my life, and to help relieve some stress. He told me I needed help if such a simple thing was causing me so much mental anguish when I told him I cried after what he did. He said he hadn’t done anything wrong because he hadn’t tried to have sex with me or remove his own clothing. He said it was harsh of me to want him out of my life and that the punishment of me refusing to interact with him outside of work did not fit the crime. He said he didn’t commit a crime, that he was just trying to make me feel good.
Initially, after he sexually assaulted me, Lonny Benson denied having done anything wrong. He repeatedly tried to convince me that he had just squeezed my butt too hard when I startled awake. I maintained that he had stuck his hands inside my clothing and had attempted to insert his fingers into my body. After repeated conversations of him asking me out, me turning him down, him saying he didn’t understand why I was being so mean to him, and me telling him he sexually assaulted me and needed to leave me alone, him saying he’d done nothing wrong, and me detailing what he’d done, he finally admitted to having stuck his hands inside my clothing and touching me in a sexual manner. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and he said he would stay out of my life while professing his love for me.
What he did was not love. It was sexual assault by someone who did not have an ounce of love, respect, or compassion for me. He was driven by selfishness and his own egotistical idea that I would be receptive to his sexual advances and change my mind about not having a sexual relationship with him if only I would let him prove how impressive he was sexually. He had repeatedly told me how good he was at pleasing his wife sexually and that he wanted to make me feel good, too, if only I would let him. Since I wouldn’t let him show me his self-proclaimed impressive sexual skills while awake, he tried to force them on me when I couldn’t say no. Him telling me that he just wanted to make me feel good wasn’t about respect or about me, it was about his ego.
Following this conversation was 6 months of sexual harassment. We worked with autistic children and he would manipulate his clients to further harass me. During an incident two days after he sexually assaulted me, he directed his client to sit at the table behind where I was sitting with my client and placed himself in the chair directly behind me. His client had to repeatedly attempt to gain his attention and asked if he was paying attention, to which Lonny Benson told his client that he was not paying attention. I turned my head to answer a question from my client and saw him staring at me.
Another time, he came into a room where I was watching training videos and shut the door. I told him I did not want the door closed, but he would not open it, standing in front of the door so I would have to come within touching distance to open it, so I stayed on the other side of the room. He told me about a client I would be working with later that day and asked me for a hug. I told him I never wanted him to touch me and that I was not comfortable being around him, things I had said to him before.
A few days later, he offered to buy me lunch and I again told him I didn’t want to be around him. He said he didn’t understand why I was so upset and uncomfortable because there had never been a negative intent with his touching of my person. He promised if I’d hang out with him again, that he’d not do the same thing again. I told him he had sexually assaulted me after I had been clear on multiple occasions that I did not want a sexual relationship with him. He told me that the way I was acting was hurting him, breaking his heart, and that he would have to be on his guard with other women because the way I was overreacting was hurting him so much. He sexually assaulted me, but somehow me protecting myself from further assault from him was damaging him. He said that he didn’t really even do anything that bad to me and that he knew I didn’t want him to touch me sexually and that it was a wasted opportunity for me to throw his friendship away. He said he’d backed off and been extra sweet to me and that it wasn’t fair of me to punish him like this.
Other times, he would stand above me while I was seated on the floor with a client while telling me how much he missed me and wanted to hang out with me again and not leave when I would ask him to. He would direct his client into a room where I was alone with my client after his client would request a different play room and then shut the door after I’d ask him to leave it open. He would throw things at me and tell me his client did it after I’d tell him to stop and would claim I was seeing things when I would tell him I saw him throw it. He would sit close to me during circle time on the floor with the kids when there was room to sit much further away. He would direct his client to play with toys on the floor right in front of me when I was sitting on the couch reading a book to my client. He would move his chair to be in direct line of sight to me and make faces at me. He would send me pictures of a client I had a close bond with while I wasn’t at work. He would repeatedly attempt to flirt with me, tell me how much he missed me, ask me to hang out, tell me how nice I looked, ask me what I’d been doing, compliment my shirts, and try to have other personal conversations. I kept telling him to leave me alone and to not talk to me about anything other than work. He would leave me alone at work for a week or two and then resume the attempts to flirt, the asking me out, the attempts to have personal conversation, the compliments, and all the harassment.
It was all so exhausting and it made me hate going to work. I love those kids so much. Children with autism are so special and even after dealing with difficult moments with their extreme behaviors, I really valued the time I got to spend with them and seeing the progress they were making. But having to deal with Lonny Benson and all of the harassment and unwanted attention he was forcing on me made me hate being at work. It caused so much stress and anxiety about what he was going to do and if I would be able to avoid him. I reported his sexual harassment and the sexual assault to my supervisor, but she did nothing. I would send her screenshots of him asking me out and me telling him to leave me alone, but she did nothing. I wanted to quit because I was so stressed out from his unwanted advances and all the sexual harassment and him not leaving me alone after the dozens of times I told him to stop, but I didn’t quit because I was attached to my clients and loved seeing them. I decided that until I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in June 2019 and got a job in my field that I would be stuck dealing with the harassment. So, it became a cycle of him leaving me alone for a week or two at a time and then harassing me for several weeks. I felt like until I left that job, that it would never end.
Sometimes when I would turn him down after another unwanted request for a date, he would tell me it hurt him a lot that I wouldn’t overlook his one small mistake. Other times he would tell me that the way I was treating him made him feel like a monster. I was never rude to him. I never yelled at him. I never called him names or was unprofessional in any way. I spoke to him the same way I spoke to most coworkers and maintained a civil attitude towards him. All I would do is say no to his unwanted advances, tell him to leave me alone, and matter-of-factly inform him that he sexually assaulted me and that the only time he was to talk to me was when it was a work matter. Yet he would tell me I was treating him like a monster, that I was overreacting, that I needed help for being so upset at something so insignificant, that what he did wasn’t that bad, and how hurt he was that I wouldn’t overlook his little mistake and focus on all the good things he’d done for me. He told me he’d only been trying to make me feel good and relieve some stress and that his heart was broken because I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.
On top of all that, he was still touching my back and arms when we’d have to pass each other at work on occasion. In one incident, he rubbed my arm and whispered “see you later” into my ear while walking closely past me at work. I sent him another clearly worded message telling him to leave me alone, to stop touching me, stop trying to flirt with me, stop texting me, stop closing doors to rooms when we were the only adults in there, to stop watching me, and to accept that the friendship was over due to him sexually assaulting me. I had sent messages requesting all of this several times before. He responded by telling me to stop treating him like a monster. He said he’d been leaving me alone, which broke his heart, and that he had accepted me, even with my anxiety and past issues.
Even after all the repeated requests to leave me alone and his promises to leave me alone, he would tell me I had lovely skin, stand close behind me while speaking to other people, pat my back, ask me out, close doors to rooms we were the only adults in, and try to have personal conversations at work. This lasted from the beginning of April 2018 through mid-October.
On October 16, 2018, I learned that he was being promoted to office manager, making him my direct supervisor. This would put him in charge of my schedule, my performance evaluations, raise recommendations, which clients I worked with, and would require I have periodic private conversations for evaluations. I immediately had a panic attack. The coworker who told me he had been promoted asked if I was okay and I told her what he had done to me and that I could not work for him. If he had been sexually harassing me so much for so long without having any power over me, how much worse would it get now that he had so much control over every aspect of my employment? So, I quit. Well, I tried to. I walked into the manager’s office where he was training and quit a job I loved and told them it was because he had been inappropriate with me. The office manager followed me out and convinced me to file a complaint with the regional manager instead of quitting. I asked another supervisor to take over my client since I was leaving for the day. I had a panic attack that was so bad I couldn’t stand and sat on the floor in the toy room hyperventilating and bawling while coworkers were walking in and out to get toys for their clients. It got around the office that he had sexually assaulted me and had been sexually harassing me, which prompted multiple other female coworkers to come forward to tell the office manager that he had also been sexually harassing them. The regional manager came down from Portland to personally speak with Lonny Benson and the other female coworkers who were now filing complaints about him. The result was that he was suspended and ultimately fired. Two of the girls who filed complaints about him sexually harassing them offered to go with me to file a police report, which we did the next day. I’d felt too ashamed and embarrassed to go to the police initially and then I felt like it had been too long since Lonny Benson sexually assaulted me, but I filed anyway.
I took a few days off from work and when I came back, I learned that Lonny Benson had been telling people he and I were dating and had had a bad breakup, which was why I was telling lies about him. He had told people that I was jealous of him being promoted and was trying to sabotage him. This led to further rumors and harassment by coworkers who were his friends.
All the anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, and fear I’d been suppressing for months after Lonny Benson sexually assaulted me came out and life became hard. I was afraid to leave my house. I was afraid to let people come over. I was afraid to sleep. I no longer enjoyed being around the children at work. One of my spare house keys went missing during the time he had been coming to my apartment and he joked about taking it when I told him it was missing. I was afraid he would come retaliate against me and began barricading my front door before going to sleep. I developed insomnia and struggled doing homework. I had to take time off from school because of the depression I was going through. I gained weight, became lethargic, had trouble focusing, and had to undergo medical testing. My doctor determined it was a physiological stress response to the sexual assault and the suppression of my emotions regarding what happened. I was diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder due to Lonny Benson sexually assaulting me.
I wrote a blog about what happened, the depression I’d been going through, the fear of him coming back, and a lot of the feelings I’d been experiencing. He read my blog and wrote a response attacking my character, saying I’d had too many rules about what he could and couldn’t touch, admitting he’d touched me inappropriately, admitting that he’d been pushing my boundaries, saying I was asleep and how could I have possibly known what he was doing to me, that he’d been telling others stories about me, making wild claims about me grinding on him and then blaming me for him losing his job, blaming me for him losing a pay raise, blaming me because now he couldn’t give more child support to his exwife, blaming me for causing a consequence for him that was affecting him, his exwife, his dad, his children, and his dogs. He attacked my character, attacked my personality, called my cat crazy, complained about how people get offended by little things anymore. Then he, again, invited me to get together with him. He said everything was so good between us up until that point and that he’d just wanted to spend time with me and be there for me.
Last year, a girl reached out to me on facebook to tell me she’d read my blog about what happened and told me he’d assaulted her, too. She told me that he would talk about how he and I would lie naked together on my floor and he would massage me while I was naked. Also that I would dry hump him. He told her that all the court proceedings were happening because he had accidentally touched my butt while giving me a massage. None of this is true. I never removed my clothing around him or allowed him to remove any of my clothing. He was not giving me a massage when he sexually assaulted me and he did not accidentally touch my butt. He intentionally put his hands inside my clothing when I was asleep and intentionally attempted to insert his fingers into my body when I was not in a position to say no or stop him.
In his 412 motion, he made false allegations that I allowed him to lower my pants. That is 100% not true. I never allowed him to remove, lower, or alter the placement of any of my clothing, but he was prepared to state on the record that I did. In that same motion, he made allegations that I allowed him to put his hands inside my pants and was prepared to state on the record that I did. This is also 100% false. I never allowed him to place his hands inside my clothing and every time he tried, I would remove his hand and tell him no. This same motion also claimed I was thrusting my pelvis into his groin. We moved slightly while kissing at times, but I did not grind against him, and he was prepared to state on the record that I did. This motion also stated that he stayed the night at my house. This is also untrue. We did stay up late talking past midnight, until maybe 3 or 4am one time, but at no point did he spend an entire night at my house, sleep at my house, or otherwise stay the night at my house, and he was prepared to state on the record that he did.
He has spent the last two and a half years slandering me, blaming me for what he has done, portraying me as a sexually promiscuous woman, and trying to portray himself as the victim. He is not the victim. He is the predator and he needs to be held accountable for his actions.
Never once has Lonny Benson taken responsibility for his actions. Never once has he accepted that the consequences he has undergone have been his own fault. Never once has he even apologized for what he has put me through. He sexually assaulted me, he left a note at my door during a 30-minute period when I wasn’t home after I asked him to never come back, then spent the next six month sexually harassing me while also lying to coworkers and telling them that we had been dating, which led to be me being bullied by a couple coworkers he was friends with. He kept trying to convince me I was in the wrong for not letting him come over anymore, he kept telling me I was treating him like a monster because I did not want to have personal conversations with him anymore, he kept telling me the punishment didn’t fit the crime when I would not let him flirt with me at work, he kept telling me I was overreacting or he had done nothing wrong when I would reiterate that he had sexually assaulted me, he lied about me to random people he was going on dates with, he further harassed me by leaving a slanderous and harassing comment on my blog where he did admit to touching me in a sexually inappropriate manner while saying he hadn’t done anything wrong.
One of the things I was told I could write about in this is how what Lonny Benson did to me is still affecting me. Last year I found a wonderful man and have since married him. He is sweet and kind and gentle and everything a woman could want in a good man. Sometimes when we have sex, I have panic attacks. If there is any form of discomfort in the vaginal area, I have a panic attack. If my husband makes remarks that Lonny Benson used to make, such as “you know you want it,” I feel extreme anxiety and sometimes start to shake. I cry a lot the day of any hearing in this case. If I see a blue truck while we are out running errands or on dates, I get overwhelmed by fear that I am going to see him. The times I have seen him, I’ve had panic attacks and have had to leave the area. I had to take a medical leave of absence from my job at the end of January since I was dealing with so much stress about the March 3-4 trial dates. The stress and anxiety about the upcoming trial and all the slander he was prepared to throw at me was affecting my work. Being at work was a daily reminder of everything he did to me: the sexual assault, the sexual harassment, and the slander against me.
Lonny Benson has not taken an ounce of responsibility for his actions and has had very little consequences for what he has done. It is time that he is held accountable and receives consequences. 20 days in jail on the weekend is a slap on the wrist. It is barely any consequence. It is an insult to everything I have gone through, especially since he didn’t even have to pay the full bail that was required on a Measure 11 case due to a judicial error. I am asking the court to take into account the 6 months of sexual harassment I underwent after he sexually assaulted me, the character assasination he has independently launched on me over the last two and a half years, and the emotional toll the last two years of legal proceedings have taken on me. 20 days in jail on the weekend is not enough. Yes, this is the first time someone has pressed charges against him, but he clearly shows that he does not feel what he did was wrong, which indicates he is a risk to repeat the offense, and I strongly believe I am not the first woman he has done something like this to. Lonny Benson deserves a consequence that is strong enough to make an impact on him and make him think twice about sexually assaulting another human being again. While I would love to see him receive the full 364 days of jail time allowed by the crime he has plead guilty to, my request is for somewhere between 60-90 days of jail time on the weekend, with at least two 1-week periods of jail time that he could use his work vacation time for. I hope the court will take this statement and my request into consideration when final sentencing is determined.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to me and for allowing my voice to be heard.
